220 lbs. That is where I’m at now. I’d like to say I don’t know how I got here but that would be a lie. It’s simple how I got here. I lost my focus.

A few years ago, I was around the same weight. I started getting B-12 shots to jump-start my weight loss. It worked and I lost quite a few pounds. Eventually, I stalled because my diet wasn’t what it should have been. Looking back at the meal plan I was given, I know that it would not have been sustainable in the long-term but all the shots in the world wouldn’t have saved me from the fast food and cookies I would indulge in. My lack of gym attendance did not help matters.

I’ve trained with a personal trainer at one of my old gyms. I’ve tried boxing but failed to go to more than a couple of classes despite having an unlimited membership for a month thanks to Groupon. There a was short stint at an early morning boot camp that I did with an old roommate. I quickly learned that 5:00 am workouts and I did not mix. Thankfully, that first month cost zero dollars so it was just an opportunity loss and not also a financial.

The most success I experienced was while I was at Orange Theory Fitness. The coaches and classes were everything I needed. They pushed me without making me feel overwhelmed. They provided guidance on my diet and monthly check-ins, keeping me accountable. Sadly, due to cost, I had to cancel my membership and switch to a conventional gym. I still miss it because I can’t seem to push myself the way they did.

Fast forward to now, and I’m back at where I started. In all honesty, I’m heavier now than I have ever been. I want to change. I’m no longer interested in just being skinny. The lowest I remember being as 145 lbs. I see pictures from high school and early college and realize how thin I was despite feeling “fat.” I’ve learned I was squishy. I didn’t have muscle tone because I never worked out. Now I want that muscle tone. I want to feel like I am strong. I want to know what it is to balance between healthy whole foods and the occasional Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. So I’m starting over.

I am going to re-focus on my diet and exercise. Thanks to Instagram, I won a free custom meal plan from one of my favorite fitness “gurus’, Sarah Bowmar. I discovered a while back on IG and have been following her for some time. Her and her husbands are hunters and fitness coaches. I used the meal plan to learn my macros and have been following that plan for the last couple of weeks. I haven’t been 100% perfect due to life but I’m already doing better than I had been.

I hope to use this blog as my accountability. It’s for myself more than anything but maybe it will reach someone who cares to follow the journey or is even on one of their own. I follow a few people on YouTube and Instagram and I enjoy seeing their transformations and how they balance life and fitness. I have started to realize that, as much as I enjoy watching them, I don’t fully relate to their stories. The majority of them were “skinny fat” to begin with or high school athletes who lost their way or just found a new sport. I don’t fall into those categories. I struggled with my weight despite dancing all through middle and high school. I never played sports for a long period of time. I didn’t have the skill for it. I hated running so I was never a “cardio bunny.” I was just a chubby girl who enjoyed shopping with her friends after school or going to the movies on weekends. I enjoyed my McDonald’s and Taco Bell and my specialty was a cheese quesadilla with ham or Ramon noodles. I’m not someone who hates veggies, I just prefer the convenience of fast food because it means I don’t have to cook.

So here goes my journey to a healthier and more balanced life.♦